You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You made out with two different species that night
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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