Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
