Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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