ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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