Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
