I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
