I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
