do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You're a waste of cheezeits
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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