There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
