absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
