Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
