We won't sleep together?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
