i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
