I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
