I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
