I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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