Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
