Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
