i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
