I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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