I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
