i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
