you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
