Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
