He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
