i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
