I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
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He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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