I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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