if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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