Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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