You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
