When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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