So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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