I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
