My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
