Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
