....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
