I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
farters have to be the big spoon...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
