Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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