that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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