I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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