All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wish my penis had a tongue
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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