I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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