i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
