Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
