I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
