it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
