God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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