His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
