Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
