Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
is that a dick in a sweater?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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