Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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