you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
