i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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