In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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