Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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