I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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