OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
