Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
