You work out of a Hotel?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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