I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
