On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Alive.
So much puke
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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