he thought i was a dude.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
