im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
