i wish my penis had a tongue
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
