my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
