dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
is wine microwaveable?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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