somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
