I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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