So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
