In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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