so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
