My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
