my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
