Tell her she can't have a vagina
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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