i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Fuck appropriateness.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
