I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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