she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
