Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
