my shit smells like andre
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
