You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
