I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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