this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
