You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize