i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
