Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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