people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
