think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
