Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
