I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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