Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
