No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
