I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You left your phone here
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