Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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